God wants marriages to reflect oneness in all things, including finances. When it comes to money in marriages, it’s not “your” money and “my” money. It is our” money.
So, what about prenups? I get this question asked of me on a semi-regular basis. Do you a quick web search on the topic and it seems that a prenuptial agreement is just a part of the marriage process—propose, get a prenup, and get married. Many tout prenuptial agreements as a wise move.
In short, I’m against them. In fact, I have not run across a single scenario where a prenup aligns with the picture of marital oneness we find in the Bible. In an earlier article with Relevant Magazine, I shared my concerns about what prenups can communicate. Here is what I have found that prenups communicate:
1. The presence of distrust in the relationship. Prenups protect. This should instantly prompt the question, “From what am I or they trying to protect?” Whatever the answer, it usually boils down to distrust. One does not trust the other. Distrust is a hurtful and harmful place to start a marriage.
2. Somebody thinks that the marriage might not last. A prenup assumes that divorce remains a possibility, which is concerning and potentially a self-fulfilling prophecy. The marriage starts with the uncertainty of its future.
3. Somebody is not all in. The Bible tells us that, in marriage, we do not even own our bodies, the most personal part of our lives. This reveals the depth to which the marital oneness goes. Independence is laid aside and sacrifice is picked up in its place. So, what does a prenup communicate—that somebody is not willing to do that just yet.
So, what do you do if a prenuptial agreement is part of the premarital conversation? Certainly, I would reach out to someone at your church to discuss the situation more in-depth. But in general, I would recommend pushing pause and asking some tough questions—Is there distrust in the relationship? Is somebody thinking that the marriage won't last? Is somebody not all in?
Answering these questions and dealing with the underlying issues will substantially benefit your future marriage. Work together to overcome these challenges before tying the knot. The prenup question should lead to further questions, better resolutions, and, hopefully, a marriage that reflects oneness.